Stupid Inspirational Quotes

Despite the fact that I’m a writer and lover of books, music, poetry, etc. I’ve always kind of hated quotes, especially inspirational ones. I’m not just talking about the terrible quotes people put on repurposed wood in their home like “Live, Laugh, Love” but just any kind of seemingly helpful phrase folks will throw around whenever you’re in a time of crisis. The only quote I kind of like is: “it is what it is”, because like, it is…what it is.

Anyway, recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the notion that “time heals all wounds”. As a person who has been mentally and emotionally wounded quite a bit, this thought is something that I often return to, as I’m always curious if it’s true, and in what way. After all, if people are going to keep saying the same stupid thing to you over and over, shouldn’t there be a nugget of reality in there somewhere?

It occurred to me, quite randomly the other day, that I no longer remembered the name of the girl my husband had an affair with. It was interesting to me that this name, a name I had previously hated, a name that circled my mind over and over like a rusty old record, had suddenly slipped out of my brain. Truth be told, I even strained my mind to recall it, but I couldn’t. Not even the first letter. While I’ve done a pretty good job of cutting myself off from things that may remind me of my ex, and the pain associated with him (not an easy feat in the age of technology), it only made sense me to that the simple passing of time had removed this person’s name from my memory. I don’t know if I am healing yet, but slowly and surely, I am forgetting.

What I haven’t forgotten, though, is exactly how many glasses we had in our cupboards when we shared a home. I remember the way his shirts smelled, and which ones were his favorite. I remember exactly the way his palms felt when we held hands, or when he touched my face. I remember everything about us, and I think about it almost every single fucking day.

Whether it’s a bad romance, a death, a pet, or a friendship that ran it’s course, you do eventually stop crying. You do pick yourself up off the floor, you talk it out, you return to your life. No one tells you exactly how long it will take before your routine continues, before your bones stop aching, but they do. They just do. It’s the waiting part that sucks.

Having depression follow me around like a needy cat for most of my life has caused me to seek out various solutions to sadness, and the most common practice I utilize is distraction. I just throw myself into a variety of jobs, extracurriculars, or creative projects until I don’t have the energy or time to acknowledge my sadness. I would hardly call this a path to healing, but it works in its own way.

And isn’t that what we’re all kind of doing with our pain? Pushing it to the back of our mind, hoping we forget about it eventually? What this shitty little quote fails to mention is that though we may not outwardly be a mess after a few weeks or months or years, the person you become after trauma is not the same. I don’t look at men the way I used to. I don’t see a young, smiling, open, potential partner anymore (if I can even muster a crush these days). I see someone who will lie, who will cheat, who will cause me pain. Even more so, I see this changed me: someone who is covered in thorns, who doesn’t want to be touched, that is ready with a brick wall of sarcasm and nasty comments to prevent anyone from getting in.

I’ve seen too much now, and I’ve felt too much now, to ever be able to hug someone of the opposite sex without internally shuddering at the thought of what they might do to me and my heart.

Yes, it’s going to take more time. It always takes more time. And maybe there will be that super special guy that just makes all of those terrible feelings disappear like the name of the person who, not so long ago, contributed to making my then-life so terrible.

Time doesn’t heal you, it distracts you from the pain until you forget about it, and you eventually feel brave enough to let another version of that pain come for you again. I guess that quote is just too big to put on a throw pillow.

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180 thoughts on “Stupid Inspirational Quotes

  1. You don’t have to feel ok to be ok. That’s one i carry in my back pocket for anxiety days/weeks/months. I have some names to forget too. Good luck to both of us.

  2. Emotionally wounds will ever be part of our life. They became history, and we must use this ones to make better choices in the future. Everyone that was part of our life has something to teach us. This might be called “secret of life”. People changes people.

  3. Our scars make us who we are, our strength and the depth of our emotions. We all grief differently but I agree the pain is always there, it just lessens overtime. We learn to forgive but we never forget.

  4. I believe time dulls the ache…but never heals. Losing a child hurts like hell; time has dulled the ache; blurred hospital memories. I am not healed. Sometimes I wish that when people don’t know what to say; they stay quiet.

  5. And what makes us heal? Things that happen to us, realizations that we have, good people, good experiences, feeling things, the natural health and healing mechanisms of our bodies (down to antibodies and kidney functionings), learning things, feeling love….. These things happen to us – even because of us – over time.

  6. Quotes are only Quotes nothing is seemingly true everyone has there own opinions . The next person may have never had any of your issues or thought about someone/something in such a way we only create what we feel is true. If you feel the same way it doesn’t mean something is true only that you believe in that opinion good luck to you and your journey . 🙂

  7. Time heals most physical wounds but the scars are still visable and change your outward appearance. I guess it’s the same with most emotional wounds. You may move on but there is still a scar left behind that changes your character. I guess quotes like this are just phrases people make up when they don’t know what to say. There’s little truth in them but they get repeated enough so they become our go to words when having uncomfortable conversations about someone else’s emotions.

  8. Wow … that was an amazing post, wonderfully honest. Thank you for sharing. I too have had my fair share. I wish, wish, wish that I had taken up some form of counselling which may, just may have made things easier for me. Or perhaps it would have just speeded up the process of healing. As it was, I didn’t and it took ten years to get over my husband running out on us. I still can’t forgive the things he did and I’ll certainly never forget. But I am happy. I have learned to live with it. Also when my parents died, I thought time would heal the pain. It certainly dulls it but what I’ve learned is that again, I can live with it. It’s so bloody hard, and you probably won’t believe me, but there are wonderful people out there and I hope you slowly, slowly can find a way to cope. Sending you much love. Katie

  9. I think we should love ourselves more than any one in this world..if any person don’t care about us why should we ,the main thing is our expectations because when we love some one we expect them to do the same.. just let it go don’t give a damn …. about that..

  10. This was painful to read. But I like your attitude of getting up and getting on with it. Life doesn’t stop for anybody, and time makes you forget. I once talked to an old woman and she said ‘you don’t ever heal, you just remember less’ – or something like that. The pain is still real and raw but it is more of a dull ache, with passing time. I send you some warmth – it will do nothing, I know, but your words have impacted me and I want you to know that a stranger thinks of you and wishes you wellness and healing.

  11. You are right, you will probably never be the same person (as One Sister said – wounds scar). But to me – time has meant acceptance (not to be confused with “forgive and forget”). With acceptance I can move forward – a different person, but a stronger person than I was before the trauma(s). For that to happen it needed time and it needed me to make a choice. Good luck and take care.

  12. I love the way you write. Simply, honestly, very black and white. I’ll just casually pop out to get a bigger throw pillow, i suppose. Following you cause i can’t wait to read more from you xx

  13. My daughter once said to me, ‘Mummy, the not well that you feel in your head, it’s a bit like when I get annoyed with stupid boys at school… one day you’ll just not be bothered anymore’’ I just loved the simplicity of her view… she is, of course right, on more levels then she yet realises!

  14. Not everyone will hurt you the way your ex did. Everyone is capable, but that’s what makes the ones who don’t special. They choose not to hurt you. I hope you can feel comfortable soon with someone else again. If that’s what you want.

  15. I sincerely loved this. Time helps you forget. Aint that the truth. Somehow I guess the healing is still something we have to fight to do ourselves. Time clearly does not have *time to heal us when it’s busy helping people forget.

  16. I will never know how you feel as much as your words resonated with me. What I would like to say is that in my experience time is different for everyone and healing takes place at different levels for different people. When my brother died suddenly, time healed some of us but not all of us and some of us needed more time than others. My father didn’t have enough time; he died within 32 days of my brother, of a broken heart the doctor ventured to say mainly because my father died of a massive heart attack within two hours of just having been given a clean bill of health by said doctor (a cardiologist actually). My mother has not really recovered; she gets severely depressed every year at this time. My mother lives very much in the past. My brother and I moved on. It was not easy but time, determination and dare I say making a concerted effort to live in the present helped enormously. Good luck.

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