Next month, I will be celebrating the 4 year anniversary of beginning this blog. It’s weird to think that a broken heart and a lot of boredom after undergrad prompted me to shell out $12 a year for my own domain and a space to complain. This blog has taken so many directions over the past 4 years. It’s been funny, it’s been super sad, romantic, vicious, cathartic…
I met my first fan last year while I was drunk in a bar, and it was probably the single greatest thing that has happened to me in my 27 of life. That was until I received my first acceptance letter from a Creative Writing program last Monday. I knew that I had been slacking on my blog, so stupid me, wine drunk and giddy at 2 in the afternoon (don’t judge) already started working on all the perfect little witty, yet inspirational quips about never giving up on your writing dreams and persevering through a joke of a writer’s salary while maintaining your lingering alcoholism.
Cut to yesterday afternoon when my employer informed me that our company was tanking and I could “take a break” on writing for now. Oh, cool. I can take a break on my main source of income? Sick.
So basically, I got to enjoy my “go me, I’m smart” moment for barely 2 days! What kind of horse shit is that?
Isn’t that the way it goes though? Isn’t the universe constantly testing us, trying our patience? Last May, I remember driving my friend Danny to his hair appointment before binge drinking and I said, “I feel like things are finally turning around for me!”
Mind you, this is following a marital separation, a car break in, $3,000 worth of car repairs, 10 instances of over-drafting my bank account, online harassment, and a public meltdown at Cabo Cantina. I feel like I’m leaving something out. Anyway, about 5 seconds later I slammed into another driver and totaled my little Beetle. Danny missed his hair appointment too.
A big part of me wants to be so pissed. I just want everyone who reads this to feel like they can do great things, that they can pick themselves up after the biggest of shitstorms, and maybe even feel empowered to be a writer. I realize, though, that sitting here gushing about my successes and my dreams isn’t what brought me a following in the first place. I got dumped by a cute Iranian guy and lived with my mom and her cats to create this. I went through terrible relationships and weird job shit and a fucked up president and being a semi-functional human being to write this.
Even though my bank account is stressing me out and I kind of feel like a weird loser, there is so much validation is every post view, and even one little letter from a school in Chicago. I’ve done it, I’ve done everything I’ve sought out to do. Where there some set backs? Fuck yeah. Are you going to experience some too? Definitely.
I hope that there is no roadblock too big that stops you from being who you are, or from finding an outlet that serves you creatively.
I know this isn’t my best work, but I’m still doing my best to hold on to this part of me, this blog. I’m still around, taking 2 steps forward and 10 steps back every time. But at least I’m walking right?