A Brief Amendment to “What the Fuck is Happening”

Hi there. Yesterday I wrote an aggressive blog about being ghosted and how terrible it is. While I in no way, shape or form have changed my opinions about ghosting, I noticed that in my potential list of reasons for why ghosting can occur, I only blamed myself. Women do this a lot, I’ve found. “What’s was wrong with me? Why didn’t he like me? What did do?”

It’s rare, especially in our younger years, to take the time to even think about whether or not we like the guy that’s giving us attention. We’re too consumed with the idea of him liking us, and what that all means.

The other day I asked my roommate if she actually liked the guy she was hanging out with or if she just wanted free food. It took her like 5 MINUTES to answer. It’s the plight of the female, right? We’re so used to validating ourselves through the eyes of men. Don’t beat yourself up about it, we ALL do it.

I read all kind of female empowerment blogs and books and I spend most of my time with some of the dopest women I know but we all. Still. Do. It. I feel like it’s a huge reason women get married! “Look I’m LIKED!!!!!”

So I guess the amendment I wanted to make was that, you know, maybe it’s his fault. Maybe he sucks. Maybe he doesn’t even like women! Sometimes guys are afraid or they have a shitty dad or have a shitty job and they don’t know how to deal with life. It’s no real excuse to not communicate with someone or not give them closure or make them feel fucking weird, but it happens. We all suck in our own special ways. I’m not going to make a list of things that could have been wrong with this guy (though I really want to), but I’m going to entertain the idea that I’m not the problem.

I’m still trying to find that balance between self reflection towards improvement, and self-deprecation for the sake of humor and, honestly, not getting hurt again.

The message remains the same: don’t ghost, assholes.

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What the Fuck is Happening

Sometime ago, a person that will remain nameless went through the world’s worst ghosting experience. I’ll briefly try to tell you their story. This super compatible duo dated for roughly 2 years, maybe more, and while his schedule caused him to be gone pretty frequently, when he was back, they spent 99.9% of their time with each other. Eventually he was basically living at her place, keeping his shit there, sleeping there all the time, and even mailing his stuff there. All signs were pointing to the fact that these guys were going to get married, which honestly would have been great. I don’t remember the exact exchange that took place since this was awhile ago, but it was something along the lines of him saying “I’m going to do this thing, and I’ll be right back”. But the thing is, he never came back. And he never said why. In fact, he never said anything…ever again.

If you’re one of those people who always tries to defend shitty male behavior, he didn’t die, I already checked. In fact, he eventually started posting pictures of himself on Facebook to prove that he was very much alive, and he even accidentally mailed some shit to the girl’s house again. Feel however you want to feel about this fucked up story, but I personally took it really hard. After I witnessed such an insane display of selfishness and ghosting, I knew that I would NEVER want anything even close to that to happen to me.

Well, joke’s on me because I’m a millennial and we are the ghosting champions of the fucking world. I have literally been ghosted so many times I can’t even be bothered to remember each scenario. I’m not going to sit here and act like I’ve never ghosted anyone, but I definitely have never done it to the caliber described above or the way it’s happened to me. Ok there was this one time I told a guy on a date that I had to go to the bathroom and I actually ordered an Uber instead BUT THAT’S IT!

Since men have been particularly cruel to me lately, I’ve decided to compile a list of potential reasons for the aggressive ghosting that has taken place:

  1. I’m ugly. This one is subjective, but I know I’m not that hideous. On the flip side of the coin, maybe I’m just so stunning that men can’t even handle being in my presence.
  2. I said something weird. This one is super possible. The bummer part of ghosting is that I can’t figure out what I said that was the trigger. I’ve actually been really good about stopping myself from talking about my cats OR politics on dates, though!
  3. I’m scary. This one seems like a front runner. I’ve been best friends with the same person since I was 6 and she once avoided me for 3 months because she said I’m really scary when I get mad. I’d argue that disappearing of the face of the earth is only going to make me more mad and thus more scary, but to each his own.
  4. I don’t put out (fast enough). Sorry to my parents and other relatives who read this blog but I definitely used to get busy on like, the first date. As of late I’ve been trying to…not do that and actually get to know the person. The ghosting ratio has stayed the same so it’s tough to say if this is a real factor.
  5. They’re just “too into me”. This one came from my dad so I’m just going to allow it, even though I don’t agree. Yesterday my dad said that sometimes guys bail out because they’re afraid you’re going to bail on them first. My dad also told me I was a “great looking kid” even though I had braces, glasses that were held together with hot glue, and a bowl cut that he performed in our kitchen, so he might not be the best person to take advice from.
  6. This blog. Another front runner. I do have a link to this site on my Instagram page, so a potential dude could easily have access to it. Normally my self esteem is so low that I would never assume that a guy would even want to read my work, but there is some revealing, juicy, depressing, and alarming shit in here. TBH I wouldn’t want to date a guy who doesn’t support my writing in all forms, but could you at least tell me which piece was your favorite before leaving?
  7. Karma. Maybe in my past life I was a Hitler-esque person and this is just the only way for all of my victims to have justice.
  8. I’m too mean, too loud, too fond of cats, too tattooed, too confident, too insecure, too smart, too stupid, I paid the tab, I didn’t pay the tab, I split the tab, I’m too friendly to male bartenders, I have too many gay friends, I watch the Kardashians (and like it), I’m really good at a British accent, I know a lot about music, I don’t like sports, I don’t know how to cook, I don’t have a car, I think I’m better than everyone, I’m in debt, I really like frogs, or I put the toilet paper on the wrong way.

Be it all, some, or none of these reasons, I’d just like to share a quick PSA to all of the men (and sure, some women) out there: STOP GHOSTING PEOPLE. IT’S FUCKING MEAN. I get that it’s awkward to tell someone that you’re not feeling them or whatever but just use one of the go-to lines like “work is really stressful” or that you “want to focus on yourself” or, God forbid, you could just tell them the truth. If it really makes you sleep better at night to be a complete phantom moron, I know I can’t really stop you, but I promise you- those of us who didn’t put out fast enough will be telling everyone that you ghosted us because you were ashamed of your small penis.

Blessings!