I am truthfully not really an expert on anything, especially males. I haven’t been on a date in…I’m not even sure how long. My marriage didn’t work out, and even though it’s Friday night, I am in bed drinking wine with no pants on with a sleeping kitten on my lap. I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, sure, but in reality I’m just lucky enough to have the type of personality where people open up to me easily. Hence, I’ve gathered a lot of exciting, intriguing, and soul-sucking information when it comes to dating in your 20’s.
I don’t know what it was like for my mom, or her mom, or her mom’s mom when they were younger, but let’s just make it simple and say dating was different. There weren’t apps, women were FAR less equal, and they didn’t have filters, reality shows, or excessive plastic surgery to make themselves feel like shit on the daily.
Women’s lives were kinda crappy, sure, but men were different too. Men were like, a necessity back in the day. Hey ladies, want to open a bank account? Get married. Want to do anything, ever? At all? You probably need a man to help you. For generations, men have been the problem solvers, the fixers, the DOERS! Go men!
But now, that’s just not the case. Sure, if my toilet is broken or there’s a dead animal, car or money issue that I need immediate assistance with, my dad is on speed dial. All in all, though, women are self-reliant. We (kinda) make the same money now, we can have our own bank accounts, we’re (again, kinda) in charge of our reproductive health, our bodies, and our sexual choices. We’re educated, we’re outspoken, and now we can just hire people to do the shit we don’t want to do. Relationships, marriage, and men as a whole are much more of a choice, rather than a need.
While this is a really exciting development and time of growth for my female friends and me, most of us would be lying if we said that we sat down and reaaaally thought about how this is effecting the dudes around us. What does it feel like to be unnecessary? What’s it like to be the end all be all, and now just like…dessert sometimes?
Even speaking to my almost 60-year-old father, he said it’s taken him YEARS to realize that most of the time, when I’d call him and rant, that I didn’t expect him to fix anything, but that I just wanted to someone to LISTEN. Men are used to fixing, repairing, correcting, and doing…so what happens when time and time again, women simply say: “nah, I got it”?
It’s an interesting reality to live in, to be sure. And I’d venture to say that the growth of dating apps has escalated in direct correlation to men’s newfound laziness. But, what else has changed is the level of male craziness.
One of the arguably greatest parts of being a man is being able to say “she was crazy” every time a relationship or fling ended, and every person accepting that as sound fact. That doesn’t really seem to be working anymore. I feel that the “craziness” has changed. Men, you are the crazy ones now.
Here are a few anonymous examples:
- I had a coworker scroll through her phone for no less than FIVE MINUTES showing a text conversation from a guy who sent her a bunch of pictures of his boat. She did not ask for any of these photos, and she only sent him one word answers along the lines of: “cool”, “alright”, and “anyways”. This doesn’t just go for boat pictures. Do I even need to discuss unsolicited dick pics?
- A roommate who will go unnamed was asked out by her manager, who stole her number from the schedule, proceeded to text and called her repeatedly until she finally agreed to meet up. After a few drinks, it came about that she had had a one night stand with one of the bar backs who also worked at the restaurant (upwards of 3 months before said manager even became employed at the establishment). Once he found out this information, he immediately flew into a fit of rage, told her he felt disrespected, and sent her home so he could “think things over”. He called her about 13 minutes later, telling her he was sorry, but she should drive back because “it isn’t that far of a drive and he would do the same for her”.
- A friend of mine was on a dating app which encourages (sorry, requires) the girl to make the first move. After swiping right on a guy with a plethora of cute pit bull puppy pics, she made the first move and asked if she could hear more about his dog. He proceeded to send her 10 photos of the puppy, and after she suggested a do park meet up, he told her she was being too aggressive.
- SOMEONE I KNOW finally gathered up the courage to try butt stuff for the first time after consuming lots and lots of alcohol. After Ubering over, doing the deed, and feeling pretty accomplished in her sex life, she then had to sit outside on the patio while the guy talked about his ex girlfriend the entire time and that all he really wants is to “find love and start a family”.
These are just a minor portions of the weird and unnecessary situations my female friends have all found themselves in. All of us know that if we acted any other way than kind, patient, and sort of understanding, all of these various gentlemen would lecture us about “catching feelings”, “being crazy”, or “coming on too strong”. But like…is that the case?
I’m not sitting here arguing that women are not suddenly super stable. But, are we still going to keep blaming “the moon” and her “cycle”, or are we going to take one ounce of accountability and realize that hey, you’re lazy, you’re a luxury item at this point, and you don’t have enough to offer to be acting this way?
I’m cynical enough to know that a man admitting fault is just not in the stars, but hey, it doesn’t hurt to throw out a theory. It worked for Darwin.
Anybody else feeling this? Or am I crazy?