We’re Just Not That Into You

So, to be fair, I haven’t been single for THAT long, and jumping back into the dating game is a personal hell I just don’t want to wish upon myself right now. However, I do have two single roommates, and a fair amount of single friends. We tend to group up- like hyenas.

While my stress levels are probably the lowest they’ve ever been, and my nights are totally dedicated to me, myself, and I, which I admittedly love, there is something very weird going on in the single community that I would be amiss not to comment on.

I’m not going to sit here and call me and all of my single friends hoes, or anyone a hoe, really, but being sexually active, and just enjoying sex is a characteristic of women, too. I know plenty of girls my age who like casual sex, are completely safe about it, and don’t want a boyfriend. FEMINISM.

I myself would venture to say that while I’m not particularly interested in going on a banging spree, I definitely don’t want to throw myself into another relationship anytime soon. Just because you want to hang out with a guy, have sex with him, and maybe you know, share a meal here and there doesn’t mean you want to lock it down forever. Women, just like men, can have commitment issues, and even- believe it or not- no desire to be tied down in their 20’s.

This is completely easy for me and all my female friends to understand, but for whatever reason, this sentiment is totally lost on guys. Pretty much every girl I know who has stayed the night at a guy’s house even once has been sat down and drilled with some type of talk about how she can’t catch feelings for him and how much he wants to keep things casual.

As much as I love to call people out, I’ll try to keep things as anonymous as possible here…

Do you know how unattractive you become when you start telling girls that they can’t start “falling” for you? You’re not even a 6!!!!

I personally, have had guys cook breakfast for me, give me massages, pay for all of my food and drinks, sacrifice their arm as a pillow for me to sleep on for the entire night, text me throughout the day, ask me to meet their parents, introduce me to all of their friends, and then see the need to tell ME that I need to slow down, and that they don’t want to date me, all without me ever communicating that I have an interest in dating them.

At the risk of sounding like a complete conceited bitch, I am arguably more attractive and interesting than anyone who has ever said this to me. Sorry, I know that’s uncool but…what has gotten into all of these guys heads that makes them think they’re such a catch? I get being afraid of being locked to one person when you’re not even 30 yet, but like, check your ego dude, the last thing I want to do is introduce yet another bartender to my parents. We’ve been through enough.

I had one guy lecturing me about how “into him” I was and that I needed to “slow down” while I was in the middle of texting another guy and checking my Bumble matches. I was barely listening and was so distracted by his stupid shirt that I hoped no one had seen us out in public.

I think the weirdest part about the whole thing is that for the most part, I have only seen the guys initiating the relationship-type behavior they’re so fearful of. This one guy took my friend on a couple’s massage and spoiled her all day, and then when she proceeded to buy him a birthday present, he freaked out and said he needed space. He told her he had said from the beginning that he wanted to keep it “hang loose” and that she was overwhelming him.

These are the same guys that rant on and on about how much they love being single but are the first ones to watch your Instagram and Snapchat stories like a fucking stalker. You know we can see your activity, right guys?

Granted, there are girls out there with wife eyes, and do really want a boyfriend, but to freak out every single time a female reciprocates an action that YOU have initiated is just fucking bizarre.

I guess if there are any guys out there who read my blog, I’d just want you to know that a very large percentage of us are really just not that eager to be your girlfriend, and you need to calm down. But I’m guessing you’ll probably just call us a slut or crazy anyway.

You’re all idiots.


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