What Happens If I Stop Being Honest?

It’s fair to say that my blog has taken a lot of weird turns in the past 12+ months. I got married, I wrote a bunch of overly happy and uplifting posts, I went MIA for a while, and then I returned with a bunch of bitter insights about trying to date and how much I hate everyone. Can you take a wild guess what happened in between? While I’d safely say this is easily my worst year to date, I’ve been able to stay rock steady in one thing: I’ve been sincerely honest.

I’ve kind of been #blessed when it comes to this blog because I would say over 90% of the responses since I started it about 4 years ago have been overwhelmingly positive. It’s kind of easy to stay in your lane and not make any major changes when people continue to blow smoke up your ass.

However, there has been a bit of backlash. There have been some topics that are too tender to share with the world, too many hurt feelings, and I’ve even had people tell me not to say things that I want to say. No, you know what- not “want” to say, but need to say.

I tried to not let it get to me, and of course I wondered if I was being too harsh, too loud, too Kalee-ish yet again, pushing people out.

I’m not the voice of my generation, I’m not a published writer. I am lucky enough to make an ok living off of my Creative Writing degree, and I’m just generally an honest person. I don’t want to pull a Carly Simon and tell you that you’re so vain, you probably think this post is about you- but if I don’t name you directly, chill. Also, if you wanted to be spoken so highly of, maybe you should have been a better person?

I spent so many years as a kid and preteen feeling riddled with anxiety. I never wanted to leave my house, I was constantly in fear that everyone hated me, no one understood me, and that I was just fucking ALONE. To say that those fears have completely gone away now that I’m an “adult” would just be false. And the only reason I’ve come as far as I have is because of writers. Because of people who tell the truth, even when it’s ugly and hard and unflattering.

I’m not saying it’s my job to speak for other people, but if my story literally makes ONE less scared, lonely, frustrated, and loss woman feel better, I fucking did my job, I can die happy- seriously.

What happens to us if people stop telling their stories? What happens to all the kids who have bad relationships with their parents, get divorced, get in debt, and feel all those terrible feelings we all try to bury? How do we help them? I’m not brave and I’m not special, and I’m only kind of funny sometimes, but I’ll be damned if anyone thinks they have the right to tell me not to speak my truth.

You have every opportunity to not read, but I’ll never stop writing.


We’re Just Not That Into You

So, to be fair, I haven’t been single for THAT long, and jumping back into the dating game is a personal hell I just don’t want to wish upon myself right now. However, I do have two single roommates, and a fair amount of single friends. We tend to group up- like hyenas.

While my stress levels are probably the lowest they’ve ever been, and my nights are totally dedicated to me, myself, and I, which I admittedly love, there is something very weird going on in the single community that I would be amiss not to comment on.

I’m not going to sit here and call me and all of my single friends hoes, or anyone a hoe, really, but being sexually active, and just enjoying sex is a characteristic of women, too. I know plenty of girls my age who like casual sex, are completely safe about it, and don’t want a boyfriend. FEMINISM.

I myself would venture to say that while I’m not particularly interested in going on a banging spree, I definitely don’t want to throw myself into another relationship anytime soon. Just because you want to hang out with a guy, have sex with him, and maybe you know, share a meal here and there doesn’t mean you want to lock it down forever. Women, just like men, can have commitment issues, and even- believe it or not- no desire to be tied down in their 20’s.

This is completely easy for me and all my female friends to understand, but for whatever reason, this sentiment is totally lost on guys. Pretty much every girl I know who has stayed the night at a guy’s house even once has been sat down and drilled with some type of talk about how she can’t catch feelings for him and how much he wants to keep things casual.

As much as I love to call people out, I’ll try to keep things as anonymous as possible here…

Do you know how unattractive you become when you start telling girls that they can’t start “falling” for you? You’re not even a 6!!!!

I personally, have had guys cook breakfast for me, give me massages, pay for all of my food and drinks, sacrifice their arm as a pillow for me to sleep on for the entire night, text me throughout the day, ask me to meet their parents, introduce me to all of their friends, and then see the need to tell ME that I need to slow down, and that they don’t want to date me, all without me ever communicating that I have an interest in dating them.

At the risk of sounding like a complete conceited bitch, I am arguably more attractive and interesting than anyone who has ever said this to me. Sorry, I know that’s uncool but…what has gotten into all of these guys heads that makes them think they’re such a catch? I get being afraid of being locked to one person when you’re not even 30 yet, but like, check your ego dude, the last thing I want to do is introduce yet another bartender to my parents. We’ve been through enough.

I had one guy lecturing me about how “into him” I was and that I needed to “slow down” while I was in the middle of texting another guy and checking my Bumble matches. I was barely listening and was so distracted by his stupid shirt that I hoped no one had seen us out in public.

I think the weirdest part about the whole thing is that for the most part, I have only seen the guys initiating the relationship-type behavior they’re so fearful of. This one guy took my friend on a couple’s massage and spoiled her all day, and then when she proceeded to buy him a birthday present, he freaked out and said he needed space. He told her he had said from the beginning that he wanted to keep it “hang loose” and that she was overwhelming him.

These are the same guys that rant on and on about how much they love being single but are the first ones to watch your Instagram and Snapchat stories like a fucking stalker. You know we can see your activity, right guys?

Granted, there are girls out there with wife eyes, and do really want a boyfriend, but to freak out every single time a female reciprocates an action that YOU have initiated is just fucking bizarre.

I guess if there are any guys out there who read my blog, I’d just want you to know that a very large percentage of us are really just not that eager to be your girlfriend, and you need to calm down. But I’m guessing you’ll probably just call us a slut or crazy anyway.

You’re all idiots.