Congratulations baby boomers, you did it- you successfully managed to absolutely ruin what used to be one of the trendiest, coolest, and Academy Award Winning storylines of all social media platforms. Yes, that’s correct, you fucking annihilated Facebook.
And yes, here I am, a millennial, complaining to the internet about how our creativity and individuality is -yet again- being stifled by the previous generations. Guess what? I don’t give a single shit, because I’m actually super mad at you for this one. Say what you want about gay people, and healthcare, and sure, ASK ME TO CALL A CAB FOR YOU WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, because I will never forgive you for what you’ve done to Mark Zuckerberg’s baby.
Do you think that while Zuckerberg was nerding out in his dorm trying to make “The Facebook” happen that he was imagining people’s parents sharing stupid pictures of pie recipes and pictures of Jesus that say “one like= one prayer”? Guess what, one like doesn’t equal one prayer. They are not mutually exclusive things!!!!
Do you think any of us hip college kids could have foreseen that just a few short years later we would see comments on our photos NOT from our friends, but in fact from our aunts who would write: “Love, Auntie!” despite the fact that their NAME AND PHOTO accompany the text, so we know exactly who it is?!?!?!
This social media platform was NOT designed for you to post pictures of the Minions with weird quotes that aren’t even from the movie! Like, “I need coffee to function!” The Minions don’t even speak English! THAT QUOTE NEVER HAPPENED!!!!
Despite the fact that the majority of you just decided to throw basic grammatical skills out the window, still somehow think “poking” is relevant, and have NO CLUE how to appropriately tag someone or even share a link, your presence on the internet is just downright intrusive. Why on earth why I ever want to argue with someone’s great-aunt about vaccinating children? If you don’t know that my status is a quote from Mean Girls, than for the love of God, don’t comment on it! And please, please, if I take a slamming selfie, don’t write: “Wow! All grown up! How cute! xo- Mom” because then I just have to delete it.
I’m glad you all saved the trouble of paying for that pricey flight to the Midwest for your high school reunion, but now it’s all over my news feed.
And no, Susan, I didn’t like the video you shared on my wall, I didn’t even watch it. I understand that you love to adopt dogs. It doesn’t mean our relationship is tarnished, I just wish you get the fuck away from the internet.
If I didn’t have to use Facebook for my job I would literally be happy to fall of the face of the earth and never see some stupid status about what happened on The Voice last night ever again.