Why Removing A Toxic Person From Your Life Is The Dopest Shit You’ll Ever Do

If you’re scrolling through the internet everyday thinking to yourself, “hey it’s been awhile since Kalee publicly dragged some douche bag who hurt her on her blog!”- you’re right! And you’re kind of in luck, actually.

While the sole purpose of this very advanced piece of writing is not to slander the gentlemen (and some ladies) who have pissed me off over the years, rest assured that there will be passive aggressive nods in their directions throughout the text.

After being in a year long relationship that completely damaged my mind, body, soul, and bank account, I have some taken some time to reflect on the importance of NOT being in a relationship. And I don’t even mean a romantic relationship, I mean avoiding any relationship where anyone makes you feel like shit.

When you’re younger, you always have to include everyone. Like, every person gets a stupid Valentine dropped in their stupid Valentine’s Day paper bag, and every single little asshole has to get an invite to your birthday, even if you hate them!

One of- if not the most- rewarding parts of being an adult is the fact that you don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to. Sure, you’ll probably work with a couple of dick heads or show up to a happy hour where that one friend of a friend that you just don’t like for some reason is there, but OVERALL you have no obligation to include, be nice to, or otherwise acknowledge the existence of people you think suck. Which is great.

Why people will continue to “work on things” with people who treat you badly, or “give them a chance” after they’ve completely damaged your well being is beyond me. The earth is so heavily populated…fuck these people! Do not give them any more of your time. BLOCK THEIR NUMBERS AND ACT LIKE THEY PASSED ON. Or at least moved.

Maintaining some sense of like, decorum with your ex, or your ex best friend, or even some family member that was just a total douche is not good for you. I get the whole “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die” but like, is hanging out with a person you can’t stand going to make you somehow less angry?

Life is too short to be the bigger person, believe you me.

If you want to cut people out of your life for YOUR EMOTIONAL STABILITY, do it. Seriously, do it. No one says things have to be permanent.

If someone ever asks you, “oh what happened to so and so?” just shrug and like, do something else. Who cares?

Since cutting the toxic people from my life out of my circle, I have lost 10 pounds, achieved my dream job, repaired and focused on my important friendships, and, most importantly, made time for my fucking self.

Guess who I’m in a relationship with? Fucking me. And it’s great. Did you know that if you don’t have a toxic person living in your house you can dance around to a Justin Bieber song in your underwear as many times as you want? You can watch Kardashians alllll daayyyy if you fucking feel like it. Personally, I feel like for the first time in a long time, I’m not rushing through my day so I can get home to a person who doesn’t value my company. I can actually sit and focus on the things that are important to me. I can buy myself my own goddamn flowers and cards and drink a bottle of wine with ME instead of having to share it. I remember to send my friends meaningful texts on their birthday. I invite my best chick out for a drink instead of a lame dude.

So bottom line is, if I haven’t talk to you in a long time, there’s a good reason for it. You probably suck, and I don’t.

Have a blessed life!


Unforgivable Adult Facebook Behavior

Congratulations baby boomers, you did it- you successfully managed to absolutely ruin what used to be one of the trendiest, coolest, and Academy Award Winning storylines of all social media platforms. Yes, that’s correct, you fucking annihilated Facebook.

And yes, here I am, a millennial, complaining to the internet about how our creativity and individuality is -yet again- being stifled by the previous generations. Guess what? I don’t give a single shit, because I’m actually super mad at you for this one. Say what you want about gay people, and healthcare, and sure, ASK ME TO CALL A CAB FOR YOU WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, because I will never forgive you for what you’ve done to Mark Zuckerberg’s baby.

Do you think that while Zuckerberg was nerding out in his dorm trying to make “The Facebook” happen that he was imagining people’s parents sharing stupid pictures of pie recipes and pictures of Jesus that say “one like= one prayer”? Guess what, one like doesn’t equal one prayer. They are not mutually exclusive things!!!!

Do you think any of us hip college kids could have foreseen that just a few short years later we would see comments on our photos NOT from our friends, but in fact from our aunts who would write: “Love, Auntie!” despite the fact that their NAME AND PHOTO accompany the text, so we know exactly who it is?!?!?!

This social media platform was NOT designed for you to post pictures of the Minions with weird quotes that aren’t even from the movie! Like, “I need coffee to function!” The Minions don’t even speak English! THAT QUOTE NEVER HAPPENED!!!!

Despite the fact that the majority of you just decided to throw basic grammatical skills out the window, still somehow think “poking” is relevant, and have NO CLUE how to appropriately tag someone or even share a link, your presence on the internet is just downright intrusive. Why on earth why I ever want to argue with someone’s great-aunt about vaccinating children? If you don’t know that my status is a quote from Mean Girls, than for the love of God, don’t comment on it! And please, please, if I take a slamming selfie, don’t write: “Wow! All grown up! How cute! xo- Mom” because then I just have to delete it.

I’m glad you all saved the trouble of paying for that pricey flight to the Midwest for your high school reunion, but now it’s all over my news feed.

And no, Susan, I didn’t like the video you shared on my wall, I didn’t even watch it. I understand that you love to adopt dogs. It doesn’t mean our relationship is tarnished, I just wish you get the fuck away from the internet.

If I didn’t have to use Facebook for my job I would literally be happy to fall of the face of the earth and never see some stupid status about what happened on The Voice last night ever again.