The 5 Stages Of Grief When Trying To Go Sober For 30 Days

drink-me-life-more-fun

I don’t like to throw around the term “alcoholic”, but let’s just say I tell my doctor that I have “one drink” everyday. This was all fine and good when I had a fake ID, but now that I’m a 26-year-old woman, all of those empty calories have taken residency on my thighs, resulting in a hearty 16 pound weight gain in 2 months (hahahhaha help me hahahah). So, in the name of vanity, I decided to give up alcohol for the entire month of October.

Here are the five stages of grief when dealing with Sober October, Ocsober, or, if you’re not a douche, just October without drinking:

  1. Denial and isolation: You will tell yourself that being sober is easy. It’s only 30 days! Big whoop! You’ve got this. There are so many more exciting things to do when you’re not getting drunk! Cut to two days in, you’re alone in bed trying to make ginger ale taste better while your friends go to happy hour (isolation).
  2. Anger: Not only are you angry because you JUST WANT ONE GLASS OF PINOT WHILE YOU WRITE THIS DAMN THING, but you’re angry because you can’t thing of a single fucking thing to do that doesn’t involve alcohol. Who the fuck watches Game of Thrones sober?!
  3. Bargaining: Ok so….what if you only drink on weekends? That’s basically the same thing as being sober, right? What if you just smoke a ton of pot instead? That’s better than drinking!
  4. Depression: Going to bed early, skipping the wine aisle on grocery trips, drinking ‘mocktails’ at dinner, making yourself go to the gym, soberly talking to your husband about your hopes and dreams…you may as well be at church camp.
  5. Acceptance: Haven’t hit this one yet. I’ll let you know if it ever happens.

I miss you, wine!

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