Men Are People Too

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I know that every time a girl says “I just have a lot of guy friends”, everyone within ear shot rolls their eyes and just thinks what a hoe… BUT I’ve definitely said that plenty of times and I’m not a hoe.

I’ve actually had more male roommates in my lifetime than female. Totally non sexual. Actually, my first roommate accidentally walked in on me changing once and told a bunch of people that he “almost threw up” after he saw me semi naked.

I’ve always had a harder time connecting with women because I honestly think they’re super annoying and often untrustworthy. Since I got married I’ve wanted to make a bigger effort to maintain my very valuable female friendships.

Like attracts like, and since I am not single I am rarely around single people. Similar to the way I am not often around toddlers. I actually have a few single coworkers, and I thought I would be super excited to hear about their dating escapades. Turns out, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I’ve noticed that a decent amount of single women have these really extreme standards for all the things men have to do for them. I am not going to claim that I am some kind of relationship guru, but best believe I did not have a list of ways my future husband could potentially fail me on paper.

Sure, people have standards and features they prefer, but Jesus. Hearing someone say, out loud, that a complete stranger MUST do certain things in order for you to grace them with your presence is so bizarre to me.

Putting men on a pedestal will not get you far, and this princess mentality is really off putting. Running around making fun of the way guys look and talk and text and open doors and ask for dates and their jobs and their cars or lack there of is just plain shitty.

If any one of these women ever heard a guy say even a fraction of the shit they’ve said, they’d be mortified! Also, what planet do you live on? These women act like the men on Millionaire Matchmaker….pushing 50 and barely a 5 in the looks department and asking for 20-something Victoria’s Secret model. Humble yourself! And quickly, please.

I hope these women understand that men are not designed to fill all of their holes. I don’t mean that in a sexual way at all. I’m saying that one man cannot be your best friend, your protector, your source of income, your substitute father, your lover, your psychiatrist. They’re people too. They need just as much, if not more, affection, compassion, and understanding as we do. Men were not put on this earth to make you happy. That would be super cool and fun, I admit. But it’s a pretty unfair standard.

Running around with this “men better move mountains for me” mentality is not wise. At least I don’t think it is.

My husband is awesome, and I love him, but he does not exist to fill my needs. I’d like to believe that we function well because I see him as an equal.

Creating a large laundry list of expectations seems like a great way to be disappointed. I hope that single women and women in a relationship realize how important it is to see people for who they are, and not what they can do for you.

If not, I guess they should head to the nearest cat shelter and get real friendly with their new life partners.

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Awe, She’s Ugly!

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If you’re new to my blog, you may have missed my Ugly Ducking Syndrome piece. If you don’t feel like reading it, I’ll quickly summarize: I was an ugly little kid. I was also an ugly teen. I’m not going to argue that I’m exactly attractive now, but I am confident that I didn’t get much worse in the looks department.

Now that I’m married and somewhat of a grown up, I don’t want to say that I care less about my appearance, or that (God forbid) I’m letting myself go, but it would be fair to say that the last thing I do before I head out the door is glance in the mirror, shrug and say “good enough”.

After I figured out that makeup was too much work and getting complimented on my looks did very little for how I felt or went about life, I focused on school, work, my heath, and myself. I have my insecurities, just like everyone. You can’t grow up with braces, glasses, and a bowl cut all at once without having some residual fears of people giving you a swirly.

I managed to let a lot of those things go when I started becoming successful in ways that actually mattered to me. But now that I have a hot husband, those shitty feelings have kind of been shoved  back in my face.

I can’t even begin to tell you how often people announce to me that my husband is really good looking. That’s nice, and I know, but I wish you would look a little less shocked when you say it.

When Aleks and I were dating, a drunk friend asked who the “hot guy was” in my Instagram pictures. When I said he was my boyfriend, she looked around, clearly surprised. “Really?” she said. “Wow. He’s really hot.” Aleks, so hot right now. Aleks.

Aleks recently did a modeling segment for the morning news, and even the frumpy anchor felt the need to yell on live TV that she had been checking him out all morning.

I’m not Helen Keller, I can see people staring at Aleks all the time. I see girls get uncomfortable and guilty looking after he introduces me to them. I actually think it’s pretty hilarious, but I’ll be honest, after the 20th time, I finally had to ask myself: am I the ugly one in this relationship?

If you’ve ever studied psychology, many researchers say that people gravitate towards those who are of the same attractiveness level as themselves. This may be why people in marching band always dated each other. With this knowledge, one could argue that I am as hot as Aleks. But alas, I am not.

Before my sub-par self came into the picture, Alek’s social media was crammed with angsty girls complimenting him from every angle and “liking” everything they could put a thumbs up on. But if he ever puts a picture up with me in it? Crickets. The hoes are no where to be found. I have, I’m sorry to say, found myself thinking: “Do they think I’m too ugly to be with him?”

Before you exit out of this page and go oh my God this is the most pathetic blog I’ve ever read, try to hold on.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what ACTUALLY makes someone attractive. What do you really get out of being around a hot person?

This is cliche, and it’s boring, and no one wants to hear it, but we are not going to be hot forever.  I’d venture to say I hit the jackpot because Aleks actually does have a good personality and he makes me laugh, but trust me, he has flaws. If my biggest issue is that basic girls don’t think I’m hot enough to stand next to someone they’ve only admired from afar, then I’m doing ok.

Sure, I’ve been at social events and pumped myself up quietly while I stare into my glass of alcohol. “It’s ok, Kalee. You’re a good writer. You’re funny sometimes. You’re nice to animals.”

No, I’m not a tall model with awesome hair and great boobs and I have no idea how to contour my face or put on fake eyelashes. Most of the time I have something spilled on my pants and one of my eyes is noticeably smaller than the other. But my husband and I have conversations that last for hours. We challenge each other all the time. We read together. We play together. If Aleks got kicked in the face by a horse tomorrow I’d totally still hang out with him!

There are a fair amount of days that I feel pretty fugly and unworthy of my slamming hottie of a husband. But they are very weak in comparison to the days I feel smart, capable, brave, witty, and strong. That’s probably why I put as much effort into my outward appearance as I do.

I’m never going to be 100% happy with the way I look, but I’m digging my insides, and I think my husband is too,

Oh, and he totally thinks I’m a babe. He tells me every day.