Not Cute


Ok sooooo. If you know me AT ALL you know that I am pretty lazy about my appearance. I’m not like sweats and Uggs lazy but about 90% of the time I am wearing a top bun, yoga pants, and giant sunglasses. This doesn’t mean that I don’t give a shit, I just don’t have the time or energy to wear makeup. I’ve never really been a girly girl to begin with, but I’m also not athletic enough to be a tomboy, so I kind of float somewhere in the middle.

ON OCCASION I have to venture into some of the world’s scariest places: makeup stores. Seriously, I fucking hate them. First of all- germs. I don’t want to touch anything. Second, I don’t know how to put on any of this shit. My mom didn’t teach me ANYTHING about makeup and I couldn’t last long enough in musical theater to pick up any tips from the gays.

That being said, I still wear makeup sometimes. Hello, I am not a total troll. I figure since it’s kind of a rare thing I should at least wear the nice stuff. I will splurge on MAC blush and lipstick because they last for a long time. Everything else (tinted moisturizer, eyebrow kit and mascara) comes from Target because I’m not made of money okay?!?!

The thing that sucks the most about purchasing makeup is the employees. MAC employees fucking suck. YEAH I SAID IT. Why are these girls so mean? Look, I understand that when I walk in the door with un-brushed hair, a dude’s flannel shirt, and not one speck of makeup on my face you THINK I’m not going to buy anything- but you’re wrong! I’m just the type of girl that takes 4 minutes to get ready for my day…not 4 hours.

Hey I get it, your face is your canvas, you’re artistic, sure. But you don’t have to be the world’s biggest a-hole to me because I can’t remember if the lipstick I bought last time was a matte or a sheen. Or whatever.

These girls come up to me literally looking like the world’s scariest clown and get sass? Listen bitch, I’m just trying to buy a simple lipstick so I feel like I put a few extra minutes worth of effort in for date night. Relax, Chuckie.

I’m starting to think these girls might be insecure. HAHA what a laugh! People that wear too much makeup have insecurities? Scratch that.

I’m not trying to sit here and claim that I’m flawless or anything like that, I’m just inept with makeup products and I think it’s kind of like being a liar. I’m all about enhancing a feature here and there but I’m not trying to look like a completely different human being. I actually DON’T horrify my boyfriend when he wakes up next to me in the morning so let’s just DROP THE ATTITUDE OK?!

I feel like they have a problem with me from the second I walk in because I don’t look the way they do. I have NEVER been treated nicely by a MAC girl. I am well aware that I look like a scruffy peasant, but I also don’t need 50 lbs of concealer to feel human- so maybe we should just call it even. Your face looks heavy. Sorry I’ll stop.

One of my best friends is actually a make up artist, like a professional one, and she has confirmed my theory multiple times. Basically, if you are a naturally decent looking person who doesn’t depend on hundreds of dollars worth of contouring to feel normal, MAC girls will be mean to you. So either stick to the Target section or shop online. I learned my lesson.


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