An Open Letter to People Who Plague My Feed With Fitness


Hi idiots,

I just wanted to write a quick letter to sincerely thank you for inspiring me! I mean, how else would I get motivated to stop watching Real Housewives in bed for nine consecutive hours unless you posted HUNDREDS of pictures of you in your Nikes? If you didn’t flex your biceps and tag yourself at 24, what would I do? Who would I be? HOW WOULD I KNOW HOW MANY REPS TO DO?!?!?!

Without your inspirational quotes and pictures of you calves, abs, and printed pants I honestly probably wouldn’t even know the gym existed. Or fitness for that matter. Without daily before and after pictures, how would I know what progress looks like? What would I do without funny memes about pre-workouts?

Please post more videos of Crossfit workouts. They’re so intriguing. Please talk more about Crossfit. Invite me out to dinner sometime so you can describe your routine.

We can’t forget about your meals. There is NOTHING I love more than looking at pictures of quinoa. Seriously! When you describe, in detail, how you concocted a salad dressing that you ate BEFORE you went to the gym, I can almost feel my delts growing. The best part is when you teach us something. Tell us how easy meal replacement is. Discuss the importance of egg whites, and for Christ’s sake PLEASE take more photos of your protein powder! I GOTTA SEE IT!!!

If we can find a way to turn Facebook and Instagram into a place for self absorbed, excessive fitness only, I think the world would be a better place. GIMME MORE GYM SELFIES!!!!!