Well hello there! If you’ve stumbled across this post with interest you’re probably a giant douche. Welcome! Here you will find a simple, yet informative guide to treating women like shit, confusing them, fucking with their heads, and (hopefully) how to turn them into emotionally damaged wrecks. Enjoy!
First things first, where did you meet this girl? Was it a bar? Perhaps online? Anywhere where you were in a position of power and she vulnerable? Great! That makes it so much easier for your to be a tool. Why don’t you start things off by offering her an insincere compliment? Buy her a drink so she loosens up! Ask for her number and make sure to put a happy face in the first text so she thinks you might actually be a nice person. Tell her how great it was to meet her! LIE!
Once you’ve got her number and her attention, be sure to ask her out on a date, somewhere non-threatening so she knows you’re not a rapist. Sushi is always nice. Wear a clean shirt. Smile and nod a lot when she talks so she can’t tell how bored you are, and that you’re slowly plotting all the ways to drop her like a hot potato. This will not only entertain you, but she won’t suspect a thing!
Take her on a few more dinner dates so she thinks you respect her. That will really fuck with her head! Introduce her to a friend or roommate so she starts to feel welcome. Whenever she says she likes something say, ME TOO so it seems like you have shit in common. Tell her how pretty she is. Tell her she’s amazing while you picture her naked. Zone out during her story about her family!
Whenever you get ready for bed, chuckle to yourself knowing that she’s texting her friends telling them she thinks she finally met a great guy! What a riot!
Make sure to hint around the idea of a label, but tell her that you really don’t like them. Girlfriends? Bleh!
Empty gestures are the key to making women feel awful. Give them a try! You’ll love them. Say things like- “I’ll call you soon!” “Let’s get dinner tomorrow” “I’d love it if you met my parents” Maintain eye contact while you lie! It’s super fun.
Once she gets comfortable enough to spend the night at your house, or better yet, fuck you- start pulling back! Plan a night out with the guys- you deserve it! Ignore her texts for a few hours, just because you can. Now would be a great time to hit up an ex girlfriend, or just conveniently text another girl you met recently. Ask her to send you a dirty picture! Once you notice your current lady’s confidence start to waver, hit her hard. Cancel some plans! That would be fun. Bail out on dinner last minute and tell her you fell asleep! That one’s a classic.
Once you’ve managed to fuck with her enough that she calls you once or twice, or sends a text saying “what’s going on” “is everything ok?” just drop of the face of the earth. Act like your dead! But make sure your friends still tag you on social media so she gets REAL confused. This next part is crucial: don’t offer any explanation! Seriously! Disappearing from someone’s life is a great way to emotionally damage them and ensure they won’t trust another man for months, hell, years! Tell all your friends what a crazy nut case she is while you get drunk wearing a deep v neck!
You may think you’ve finished your mission here, and you’re definitely close- but keep an eye on her social media jusssst in case you see her start to move on, or look happy in any way- then you’ll know it’s time to send her an ambiguous text. Just to fuck with her! Say something like you’ve been thinking about her, or you hope she’s doing well. She’ll never see it coming!
If you think this process may be hard for you, don’t worry- you’re a man after all! It’s in your DNA. Tons of douchey things will come naturally to you. Just remember what’s most important: your penis! Happy dating!