Monthly Movie Review: The Princess Diaries

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I’m going to preface this by saying WE ALL KNOW that Anne Hathaway is totally obnoxious, but I will cut her some slack because this was basically her first film and she is not completely awful in it. That being said, The Princess Diaries is a great movie for a few reasons:

1. Julie Andrews

2. San Francisco

3. ERIK VON DETTEN

So, Anne Hathaway plays this…let’s just say it…ugly girl who lives in San Francisco with her mom. She has giant hair, messy eyebrows, glasses, the works. She even throws up giving a speech in front of all her classmates to seal her awkwardness. She’s in love with Erik Von Detten (who wouldn’t be?!) but he’s dating Mandy Moore because they’re popular and Anne (aka Mia) is totally lame so no one really notices her, despite her giant hair.

Julia Andrews, Mia’s grandma, comes to visit from Genovia (which turns out, is not a real place) to basically drop a bomb on Mia- she’s a princess!!!! Mia’s dad was the prince of Genovia but he died, so Mia basically has to take over. Julie Andrews is not super thrilled about the idea because Mia is a trainwreck but she decides to give Mia princess lessons so she doesn’t fuck up this fake country.

Mia is like ehhh I’m really not into this but I’ll think about it just don’t tell anyone!! So she’s undercover taking princess lessons and trying to learn how to be proper and shit while also dealing with regular high school shit, i.e. : pining after the hot guy, wearing a retainer, P.E., and having a really weird friend named Lily who has a cable show no one watches.

Insert classic makeover scene here. Mia ends up looking like, well, regular Anne Hathaway and Lily’s brother Michael is like HELLO but she doesn’t notice because she’s in love with Brink still. Michael is actually pretty cute but in an artsy sort of way.

Her weird hairdresser/makeover guy ends up spilling to the press that Mia is a princess so everyone goes craaazy and there are camera crews at the school and Mia is like dammit this sucks UNTIL EVD is all hey I dumped Mandy Moore we should go to the Baker Beach Bash together(I just want to add that I lived in San Francisco for 5 years and never once got invited to a Baker Beach Bash)! Mia in no way shape or form thinks it’s weird that this stud is into her immediately after she is sort of a celebrity so she’s pumped. Oh, also, Michael low key asked Mia on a date that’s the same night as the Baker Beach party so she blows him off because, duh, it’s Erik Von Detten. Michael is sad but Mia doesn’t really give a shit.

The Baker Beach party is going well until it turns out Von Detten and Mandy Moore are media whores and fuck with Mia to get on TV, basically trying making out in front of the reporters and getting the photographers to take a picture of Mia while she’s changing. Fucked up. So Mia goes home and cries.

Blah blah blah Mia tries to actually be a princess by going to events and acting proper and is getting ok at it. She still does awkward things like catch someone’s arm on fire and drop stuff so thet you don’t forget she’s the same person even though she’s not hideous anymore.

Mia and Julie Andrews start bonding more and she takes her to Fisherman’s Wharf which I would never recommend. Mia she tries to make up with Michael but he’s over it at this point and feels like a back burner bitch so Mia is sad. She has this event she’s supposed to go to where she basically is going to announce she’s a princess but she’s like fuck this, I don’t want to go, but her shitty Mustang can’t make it up San Francisco’s hills and it’s raining so her bodyguard Joe (who has sexual tension with Julia Andrews) comes to get her.

She shows up to the, I don’t know, inauguration? in jeans and a hoodie and wet hair and gives a pretty decent speech about taking on the princess role, showing how far she’s come since her barfing days. She gets made up all pretty and wears a crown and then everyone starts dancing and she awkwardly stands there because she has no date. Michael slowly appears through the crowd with a tux on looking all cute and they dance and make out in the courtyard and it’s actually pretty sweet.

This movie is a winner because it’s filmed in the best city ever, where they literally take the weirdest routes to get to certain places and includes super funny lines such as:

Mia: “Just because your hair sucks, get off mine!”

Michael: “Ouch, thank you.”

Mia: “Do you want to slide in first?”

Julie Andrews: “No, I never slide.”

Nun 1: “Hello 911? I’d like to report an accident. They put me on hold!”

Nun 2: “Oh for the love of God.”


4 Stars! Don’t watch the sequel.

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