I couldn’t help but notice that the majority of my blogs revolve around me throwing shade at other people. Truth be told it is one of my greatest qualities- but I’ve decided to turn the mirror on myself and share a few of my more unpleasant qualities. If you can’t laugh at yourself, life is gonna seem a whole lot longer people.
1. Weird breathing: I’ve developed this habit where instead of immediately yelling “YOU’RE BORING” or “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS TOPIC”, I just take a much deeper breath (thanks a TON, yoga teacher training). While I would love to think this is a positive step, I’ve found that deep breathing bugs the shit out of people. I’m working on it.
2. Crying. I’m a crier. I always have been. I remember one time I got a Mary-Kate (or was it Ashley?) Barbie doll, and not two minutes into taking her out of the package, the teeny tiny button on her sweater broke. I immediately burst into full body sobs while my best friend Steph eased out of the door trying not to laugh. I guess I’m an emotional person, I don’t know. I cry when I’m frustrated, mostly, and that’s a lot. I’m working on it.
3. Leaving my shoes in the bathroom. I take my shoes off when I pee. DON’T ASK ME WHY. I never thought this was a huge deal until I had roommates and they would complain about it all the time. And that one time I tripped over my shoes and fell into the tub and knocked myself unconscious. I’m working on it.
4. Attempting to abruptly fix problems. This may come as a shock, but I actually hate confrontation. I hate having bad vibes with people, or ugly tension, or weirdness, or anything like that. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. Because of this, I will usually end up taking the entire blame for things that most likely aren’t 100% my fault, beating myself up, and calling/texting people relentlessly trying to get them to forgive me. This also relates to my other bad habit….
5. Saying sorry when I don’t mean it. Being the eldest sibling I was always taught to be the “bigger person”. Since I’m really short I still don’t know what this means so I always just apologize, even when I don’t really feel that way. I guess I just feel like it’s a good way to defuse problems so we can get back to having fun. Sorry, I’m working on it.
6. Being a victim. Sometimes, when life is hard, I play really sad music and lie on the floor of my bedroom screaming “WHY ME” and, you guessed it, crying. I’ve also been cheated on by most of my boyfriends whom I also have cheated on. But you’ll never hear me say that. You’ll just hear me complain about men being cheaters. I’M WORKING ON IT.
7. Not hugging. I don’t like hugs. I don’t want to hug you. I don’t want you to hug me. Please don’t. I’m not working on this at all.
8. Loud drunk talking. I always thought everyone did this but apparently my already loud indoor speaking voice hits some new heights after a few cocktails. I’m working on this…?
9. Binge watching the Kardashians and everything on Bravo. I will never work on this.
10. Being flakey/indecisive/wishy-washy and everything related to those words. I blow off plans all the time. I’ve changed my career path at least a dozen times. I have 3 different certifications for completely different things. I don’t know where I want to live, what I want to do, who I want to be, if I’ve ever been in love, if I want a boyfriend, if I don’t want a boyfriend, sometimes I like kids, most of the time I hate them, sometimes I kind of like house music, but mostly I don’t, I go through phases where I work out all the time, then I lay in bed for 4 days eating Cheez-Its. Sometimes I’m really introverted but I can be really outgoing. I am the most confident and insecure person in the world. I am the happiest and saddest person ever. I love my blog. I hate my blog. I’m straight. I’m gay. I’m spiritual. I don’t believe in anything.
I am sincerely sassy and totally ok with it. Keep on keeping on, bitches.