LBGs

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I think it’s safe to say that most people have a “type”. I, personally, prefer dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin, and a height somewhere between 5’6” and 5’9”. Mock if you will, but short men are a wonderful, untouched treasure chest of greatness that so many women just pass by. But that’s for another blog. Today, I’d like to talk about the power of another small creature- the little blonde girl.

Better known as the LBG, little blonde girls are exactly what they sound like: petite, yellow haired, cutesy little things, typically maxing out at 5’5”. I am not-so-secretly a natural brunette, but have been rocking blonde hair for like 6 years and say dumb shit all the time so I have earned my blonde credentials. Stacking up at a speck over 5 feet tall and 108 pounds, I have made the LBG club.

What is very interesting about LBGs is that they all know each other. They probably were in a sorority together, on a cheer squad at one point, or just bonded in a bar bathroom when they swapped ultra thin super light tampons. I myself, usually have at least one LBG nearby for special occasions. Back to “types”: you know how they say “once a cheater, always a cheater”? I don’t believe this to be true, but I do believe in: “once an LBG lover, always an LBG lover”. Seriously, little ones, if you ever have a desire to browse through your ex’s dating history, you will most likely find a small crumb trail of teeny little blondes, paving the way for you.

WHY is the LBG so popular? What do we have that normal sized, brown haired girls don’t?

I think it’s safe to say that the world, for a long time, has glorified some ridiculous standards of beauty. Whether it’s the ethnic impossible ridiculousness of Kim K, or the leggy model-esque Brazilian alien known as Giselle, these women are flawless- put up on a pedestal of gorgeous that the rest of us peasants can only gaze at and sigh. The LBG is not this woman. We represent the struggles of many- climbing on shelves to reach things we desperately need, constantly getting our IDs triple checked, shit like that.

We rock sassy haircuts, showing the everyday woman that long, luscious locks aren’t the only way to feel feminine. We can’t buy the latest in fashion trends (have you ever seen a 5’2” girl in a printed kimono? It ain’t cute) and we have to buy most of our shoes online. LBGs are relatable, approachable, and honestly, you just want to squeeze them. You look at an LBG and you kind of want to hate her, but then you think…she would fit in nicely with my diverse girl group posse.

If you’ve never dated an LBG- be careful. Just like black dudes, once you go LBG you can’t go back. Unfortunately, every girl you date after an LBG will just feel burly. Little blonde girls are like Halloween candy. You weren’t really expecting something so small, but you are actually quite pleased with how happy and full you feel once you’ve experienced one. Suddenly, normal sized candy bars seem overwhelming.

We make men feel like men. You will always be taller than us, you’ll always be able to pick us up with ease, and spooning will become your favorite past time. An LBG comfortably and conveniently fits into any nook.

Are there days where we LBGs look at C-cup bras and wonder? Of course. Do we get sick of cuffing our pants? YES.

It’s not that tall, buxom brunettes aren’t pretty- they are! I love my taller, darker haired counter parts. There is just a special section of men out there that want LBGs. Can you blame them?

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