Resting Bitch Face (Bitch Tactics Vol IV)


One thing bitches all have in common is a bitchy face. There are a multitude of things you can do to make your face look bitchier. I’d say about 90% of them are plastic surgery related, but a strong eyebrow arch can go a long way.

One bitchy quality that I have been genetically blessed with is commonly known as “Resting Bitch Face”. This basically means that my normal, resting face looks bitchy. You know, the way cats look at you when you wake them up. I don’t know why I just explained it.

I want to say my Resting Bitch Face really came into effect in high school. My cheer coach would yell “KALEY, SMILE!” like a thousand times during practice, and random girls I’d never met would often lose their shit wondering why I “gave them dirty looks all the time.”

Obviously I was concentrating way too hard on my epic cheer moves to work on my face too (aka, “facials” for you cheerleaders of the world). It was so hard to stare at these upset stranger girls for an extra five minutes (no doubt with a pissed off look on my face) trying to figure out if I actually knew who they were and then try to explain that I wasn’t giving them dirty looks intentionally.

It took a few more years for my father (who has Resting Bitch Face- the man version) to inform me that I just look really pissed all the time. Granted, I am pretty pissed a good amount of the time, but I wasn’t aware that my face was showcasing it. It gets even worse when I start thinking or reading because I’ll start to frown, making me look twice as mean.

People who I’ve worked with for two years still asking me if “something is wrong” or why I’m so “serious”. Oh my God, no, I’m just sitting here. It’s super annoying. I mean, who walks around smiling all the time?

RBF has its perks- it deters gossipy, annoying girls from sharing information with me and tools from trying to talk to me at bars. But it also kind of sucks because most people are sensitive and they just think you’re hateful, or better yet, bored.

My boss always asks me if I’m bored during meetings. I mean, I totally am, but I’m not trying to look that way. When I actually INTEND on a bitch face, it’s no joke. I’ve made people cry with it.

Just to clear anything up in the future: that’s just how my face looks, I’m not mad at you, I probably didn’t notice you, and nothing is wrong.

Just one more reason for the Kardashians to consider adopting me!


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