Vintage, So Adorable

After my DILF post you are probably all thinking that I am basically a pervert. You are correct. To keep the weirdness going, I’ve compiled a list of totally age-inappropriate men that I’m into. Prepare to be uncomfortable (or educated!!!).

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Harrison Ford: It is a straight up fact that Indiana Jones is the sexiest sex symbol ever. He’s smart, he’s brave, he’s edgy, and he knows how to use a whip. Though he may not be aging as gracefully as some, he still gives off the Indiana Jones “I don’t give any fucks” vibe. Harrison Ford is a total bad ass and always stars in the coolest movies (hello, Cowboys Versus Aliens). He is RUGGED, people.

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Mark Cuban: Mark Cuban is the shit. Not only is he a total dick, but his “started from the bottom” humble beginnings story is pretty awesome. Mark is on one of the best shows ever, Shark Tank, and never fails to entertain me with his resting bitch face and blunt honesty. He is the type of guy who has no problem telling you how dumb you are, to your face. One of my best friends described him best: “Mark Cuban is the total package”.

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John Stewart: One of my all-time favorites, John looks better now than he did when he was a young comedian that no one knew about. The Daily Show host is not only well dressed and dapper as fuck but he is SMART. Do not get into an argument with John Stewart because he will school your ass. I almost had to change my underwear after watching him battle Bill O’Reilly. DAMN.

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Johnny Depp: This one isn’t even gross, everyone loves Johnny Depp. He has managed to remain sexy for so many years despite looking like a hobo, weird scarves, and wearing eyeliner. Johnny Depp just looks like a good lover. He also likes chicks my age, apparently, which makes him seem even older, right?

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Christopher Walken: No one ever seems to understand my love for Mr. Walken and personally, I don’t care. I don’t understand how you could not be attracted to him! He has great hair, he’s in so many good movies, and he is funny. Ladies, there is nothing better on God’s green earth than a guy who can make you laugh, and laugh at himself too. Plus he has the coolest voice EVER.

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Jimmy Stewart: I first fell in love with Jimmy Stewart when I saw him as the classic George Bailey in “It’s A Wonderful Life”. He has a voice almost as cool as Christopher Walken’s and is quite the snazzy dresser. His speech about the moon is WAY better than the Jerry Maguire “you complete me specch”. I took an Alfred Hitchcock course in college just so I could watch more Jimmy Stewart flicks!

 

I’ll always have a special place in my heart for cuties like Justin Timberlake and Zac Efron, but let’s be real, there are just some fantasies that only a real man can handle. Are you barfing yet?

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