Old Dogs

I’ve been working as a receptionist for a few months, which is a new gig for me. I don’t know what it is about being a receptionist or a secretary, but those titles sure get the older guys going. I’ve never had issues with older men before, but plant a young blonde behind a desk and give her two way calling- middle aged guys will line up!

Now forgive me, because when I said old, I mean mid 30’s. I’ve barely gotten into my 20’s over here so anything past 30 constitutes OLD for me. And I know, I know, you’re only as young as you feel and all that bullshit but it’s hard for me to take the situation seriously.

Guys in their 20’s are typically the worst age bracket to date, we all know this. Sure they look good but they’re deceiving; they still have their hair, their metabolisms are fast, plus they’re at their sexual peak. 20 year old dudes are shady, poor, and have ADD. I’m not saying these are bad things, it just is what it is, and I’m fine with it.  If some guy in his 30’s thinks I’m a big enough chump to believe that he really wants to “get to know me” he obviously doesn’t know what I’ve been dealing with.  Girls in their 20’s are no better, sure we’re pretty and our boobs stand up by themselves but we’re flaky, and boozy and, you guessed it, poor. Anyone over the age of 28 who’s into that might have some issues.

I may be a lot of things, but one thing I TRY not to be is judgmental. So when a clean cut white client at my office asked me out for dinner, I said why the fuck not. I hate the saying ‘don’t knock it till you try it’ but it is kind of true. I had my reservations, based on the attraction factor. I don’t want to say that this guy wasn’t good looking, but he didn’t really light the fire. Let’s just say he wasn’t my type.

So whatever, I went out to dinner with this guy, and you know what? I actually had a good time! I had totally forgotten about our date because I was day drinking margaritas and showed up an hour late- I am 23 after all. But he was fine with it and the conversation was easy. I laughed and drank sparkling wine and enjoyed myself. I started thinking, okay, this won’t be so bad, I’ll go to some dinners, get my shit paid for, maybe go on a trip! So when he asked me out for drinks a few days later I said sure.

Here’s where things went awry:

1. I had to meet him at his place downtown. This is annoying to me. If you’re such a stud, come pick me up so I can have a drink. Also, parking downtown isn’t exactly a cakewalk and he has his own parking spot! I drove around for 20 minutes and literally almost went home.

2. He didn’t have plans. This is bothersome on so many levels. This is our second date and you don’t even have a game plan? Impressive.

3. We went to HIS local bar. How fun! You get to chop it up with the bartender and all the other losers you see here on the daily and I’ll sit here drinking lemonade because I DROVE MYSELF.

4. He got drunk. So attractive right? I can’t wait to walk back to my shady parking spot 18 blocks away with the stumbling and slurry guy pushing 40.

Here’s a couple reasons why this may have happened:

1. He thought I would get drunk too and end up staying at his place. HA. Nice try buddy, this isn’t my first rodeo.

2. He was nervous. I would never care about this, but it’s a possibility.

3. He’s an idiot. I’m sticking with this one. If a guy in his 20’s pulled this shit I’d probably shrug it off. But here’s the deal- you’re by definition a man now, and there’s no way around that. If you want to date barely legal girls you go right ahead, but I don’t see any success in your future if you keep acting like that. Do you really think that you’re so amazing that you can bag girls that way? It’s insulting and it’s sad.

Long story short, I did not go out with this “gentleman” again. Even when he offered me Kings of Leon tickets. That, ladies, is called maturity.

I don’t anticipate dating any older dudes in my near future, and I hope for the young women out there that guy cleans his act up. But you never know, some old dogs can learn new tricks. As always, I’ll keep you posted.

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